Fighting to keep my eyes fixed on the things unseen, you know Jesus and eternity vs. the things seen, you know, the weeks and months passing, the email not there, other cases moving forward in their process and the list goes on and on.
Its this hard thing of wanting to close so my eyes so I don't see it all. Thinking that will help me not be so stirred up all the time & I can focus more on Jesus.
If I could just close my eyes that will help me tarry in this blissful state of not knowing and seeing so I won't have to fight the battle. But if I close my eyes that won't stop my mind from wandering. Oh but if my mind is distracted by the upcoming wedding season it will shift my attention and thoughts on someTHING else and I won't refresh my email every 5 minutes. That honestly sounds much easier.
Hogwash.
We are in a BATTLE for crying out loud. And it's not against the adoption agency or the in country staff or your husband or your boss or your fill-in-the-blank.
It's against the world, our flesh & against our enemy the thief who wants to kill us and steal from us and DESTROY us & evil rulers & authorities of the unseen world. John 10:10 / Eph 6:12
I can't close my eyes and wish for peaceful easy dreaming of rainbows and unicorns or sitting by the water with my Bible and feeling the cool breeze on my face, although that would be REALLY nice about right now.
I can put on my armor of God & trust in my Sword. Depending on the Holy Spirit to help me with the confidence according to His Word that He hears me and as I draw close to Him He promises to draw close to me knowing He is fighting for us. Empowered by the Holy Spirit putting to death the desires of my flesh and using my eyes & mind for righteousness sake. Seeing the whole picture with fixing my focus on Christ and renewing my mind with His Word.
I shout from the roof tops GOD IS GOOD and WHO IS LIKE OUR GOD when things are going good, but what about in the valleys? Because we are weary and weak and feel guilt from our lashing out in our flesh day to day out of bitterness and frustration on the delay of the thing, worried about the weeks ahead. Hand raised-my current situation.
Who or what really is my treasure? My thing? Who or what am I waiting on?
The child? The job? The good report? The house? The promise fulfilled?
All of those things are good, but they can all be taken away. Then what's left?
The things unseen, the things of eternity, eternal value, things that will never pass away.
And will always satisfy. The Person of Jesus Christ. I know how weak I am. I know the potential of my pride. I know my wandering heart, Lord I feel it. Proned to leave the God I love.
It's my greatest fear. Getting to the end of this current thing in my life that the Lord is sanctifying me with, obtaining the earthly prize and forgetting Him. The thing I've longed for, prayed for, lost sleep over, raised money for, worried over for so long....... I get it and then what?
Oh Lord bind me heart to Thee. Take my heart and seal it. Don't let me become proud and boastful and forget You.
Keep my eyes FIXED on you. You are my Treasure. You are my reward. You are the prize. You are the goal. Becoming more like You is my desire.
Help me Lord Jesus not to long for ANYTHING more than You. Not to go to the well for water in any other place for satisfaction other than Your well of Living Water. For You alone satisfy. I want to hunger and thirst for righteousness MORE than this child. Jesus set my mind on things above, not on the things that are on this Earth. Because I have died with You and my life is hidden with You.
Thank You for grace. And fresh mercy waiting for me every morning. And for the occasional mountain tops. You are faithful in it all.
May ALL THE THINGS grow strangely dim in the light of His glory & grace,
Kim
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