Staying & Standing

Sometimes when you're mind and emotions are so wrapped up in making a decision is can make it even more difficult. And if I'm honest, for me, makes it almost impossible to pray about the situation.
That's where I found myself in praying about staying with Ethiopia or changing countries. Quit honestly I got tired of thinking about myself and how I was feeling or how confused I was or how foggy my mind was. I couldn't just sit and read the Word without trying to filter every.single.passage. through the "we've got to make a decision lens." I just wanted to read it. Cause you know we can manipulate anything to go our way and slap "This is the word Lord gave us about this" behind it. Does that make sense?

After talking out & praying with a trusted sister in Christ {if you don't have one or two of those, I encourage you to ask the Lord for one/them} about the situation I decided to just start praying for my husband. The head/leader/king of our castle/captain of the boat, that's what we refer to him as anyway :)
The focus of my prayer was centered on Roger walking blameless before the Lord, asking the Lord to convict him of any sin so he could have the Lord's ear and hear clearly from Him. That He would speak to Roger and give him direction for our family, that Roger would abide in God's word and be very sensitive to the Holy Spirit.

All the while it has been time to update our Home study.
Paperwork expires and things have to be updated.

So we began re-doing things.
Fingerprints.
Medicals.
Employment verification.
Financial Information.
Etc.

It was an opportunity to see some of the same folks we had seen a year ago.
The Lord gave us opportunities to talk about that His faithfulness and share a little more about the process and domestic/international/DFACS/agencies; all sorts of stuff.

Ps-add in a week of bronchitis for Roger and round of antibiotics for me and we managed to come out alive.
Remembering October....

We're always thinking of you sweet girl.

You're always on our mind.

In Numbers 13 God promised this land to His people. He said it was theirs and that they should take it. When His people saw opposition they became cowards and started to not believe that what God had said was true. There was a nation in their way and they didn't believe God would deliver them over that nation. They sent spies and saw the land was good, but feared the the people who were in the land. They started to grumble (because it wasn't easy) and wish they had died in the wilderness or in Egypt  The promise land standing in front of them they wished they had died lost in the wilderness or as a slave in Egypt! So Moses and Aaron fell to their faces and prayed. Through their prayers, their faith, God forgave His people but there were still a consequence. God allowed an entire generation to be wiped out before giving them victory of the promise land! Moses said something so simple, but so amazing ... v. 41 - "Why are you disobeying the Lord's command? This will not succeed!" God had already delivered that land to His people, but His people were afraid that the enemy was too big, to strong and they didn't think they could conquer them. 
We will not be afraid! The Lord will give us victory for His name sake.
He gave Roger a Word and a peace.

We are staying. We are standing.

We are staying with Ethiopia.

*deep breath*long sigh*

This whole situation reminded me of 3 years ago THIS MONTH that I turned in my notice to my

-full time 8-5
-consistent paycheck
-health insurance
-retirement stuff
-incredible relationships with people I love dearly and still do
-highest paying job I'd ever had
-job that I knew if I left I'd never find another place like it, where we prayed together every morning before the work day began, I mean ALL the employees prayed together
-BEST JOB I'D EVER HAD

to be a stay at home/work at home momma and trust the Lord with His photography business full time.

SCARED TO DEATH- HARDEST DECISION OF MY LIFE.

We could have stayed at the bank where it was

-comfortable
-consistent
-routine
-planned
-safe
-dependable
-easy

And the Lord would have still loved us and used us and blessed us.

Leaving  required us to trust the Lord more than me staying.
Leaving required us to cling to the Word more than me staying.
Leaving required position us to rely on Him for everything.

Has it been easy? Absolutely not. Has everything made sense? Absolutely not.
But I tell you one thing, I would do it all over again.

Now all glory to God, who is able, through his mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think.

Eph 3:20

And we are.

And that's exactly what we are trusting Him for with staying with Ethiopia.

It would be easier for us to change countries, taking matters into our own hands getting paperwork going, SEEING movement, getting the ball rolling, speeding things up.

We are trusting Him for the hard. We are trusting Him for Ethiopia. He is faithful and we know it.
And we will wait. For how long? Until He tells us to move.
Faith of a mustard seed. Faith.of.a.mustard.seed. waiting for this mountain to move.

Prepare the way of the Lord,

Make straight in the desert

a highway for our God.

Every valley shall be exalted

And every mountain and hill brought low;

The crooked places shall be made straight

and the rough places smooth;

The glory of the Lord shall be revealed,

and all flesh shall see it together.

Isaiah 40:3-5

I can't tell you enough how much your prayers have meant to us.
You hear people say or read people type "praying for you" but to KNOW someone is sincerely thinking of you and bringing you to the Father in prayer is humbling as all get out.
Cherished brother and sisters in Christ, we have felt the body of Christ by your prayers. Thank you for every hug, every text, every FB message, every blog comment.

We are believing the Lord for this license issue. Please continue to pray with us.

May the things of Earth grow strangely dim, in the light of His glory and grace,

Kim

BUT THEN.... one year.

***Please don't skip over reading this Psalm & go straight to have I have written. 

I guarantee you there is more power in God's Word than in a single period of a question mark in mine.***

Psalm 77

I cry out to God; yes I shout.

Oh, God that You would listen to me!

When I was in deep trouble,

I searched for the Lord.
All night long I prayed, with hands lifted towards heaven,

but my soul was not comforted.

I think of God, and I moan,

overwhelmed with longing for His help.

You don't let me sleep.

I am too distressed even to pray!

I think of the good ole days, 

long since ended,

when my nights were filled with joyful songs.

I search my soul and ponder the difference now.

Has the Lord rejected me forever?

Will He never be kind to me again?

Is His unfailing love gone forever?

Have His promises permanently failed?

Has God forgotten to be gracious?
Has He slammed the door on His compassion?

And I said "This is my fate, the Most High has turned His hand against me."

BUT THEN I recall all You have done, O Lord,

I REMEMBER Your wonderful deeds of long ago.

They are constantly in my thoughts. 

I cannot stop thinking about Your mighty works.

O God, Your ways are holy.

Is there any god as mighty as You?

You are the God of great wonders!

You demonstrate Your awesome power among the nations.

By Your strong arm, You redeemed Your people, the descendants of Jacob & Joseph. 

When the Red Sea saw You, O God, its waters looked and trembled!

The sea quaked to its very depths.

The clouds poured down rain;

the thunder rumbled in the sky.

Your arrows of lightning flashed.

Your thunder roared from the whirlwind; the lightning lit up the world!

The earth trembled and shook.

Your road led through the sea, Your pathway through the mighty waters-

a pathway no one knew was there!

You led Your people along that road

like a flock of sheep,

with Moses and Aaron as their shepherds. 

I can identify with this Psalm. Especially within the past week.

We received not so good news from our agency regarding a license issue in Ethiopia and we were given options to seek the Lord about.

We can wait out the government making these changes to the license, with no time frame or guarantee that it will be resolved.

OR

We can change countries & leaving our Dossier in Ethiopia in case the government approves the license.

I know, you might be thinking "whats the big deal, change countries and roll with it."

Roll with it without the Lord possibly? No thank you.

We have come to a halt where a decision has to be made and if I could be honest it is overwhelming to think about. My emotions are so wrapped up in my thoughts "I'm too distressed to pray." I can not sleep and "my soul is not being comforted."

We laid in bed last night and I talking about "the good ole days" when we were completed the task at hand of paperwork and turning it in, going to bed at night with excitement "filled with joyful songs" and were fundraising seeing the Lord move and show off in big ways with BIG amounts. Everything was so exciting. 

My, oh my, what a different place we are in now.

It has been a year of waiting. A solid year of moving closer and closer to the top where we have finally reached the #1 spot and now look where we're at. The thought of the Lord "slamming the door on His compassion" of the country of Ethiopia being where our daughter is has crossed my mind, more than once. And when I think of the situation I can't help but to "moan" and wonder "What in the world are you doing, Lord? Will You ever be kind to us again?"

BUT THEN........

Oh, I am so thankful for His Word. 

I texted a portion of this passage to a friend this morning as encouragement and then as I began looking over the whole Psalm I found myself in tears half way through.

This Psalmist has been in my heart and wrote down on paper exactly where I have been for the last week.

Isn't it INCREDIBLE? The Word. This book written so long ago? It.is.alive.and relate-able and it SPEAKS!

Then BUT THEN... it's in the remembering and recalling....

{Through the lens of this adoption journey I began to recall ALL He has done.}

-The speediness of paperwork.

-The outpouring of friends with fun-raisers.

-The fact that every.single.time. we had paperwork to turn in, we had the funds! (sometimes you wait on the Lord to provide the money before you can turn in paperwork)

-The TWENTY THOUSAND DOLLARS HE GAVE US!!!

-And all through out this year of waiting the victories He has given us over sin & a restored marriage, the treasures from His Word, the intimate moments at His feet, the GRACE to endure the pruning and sanctify to be more like my Savior, the powerful private communion with my God and experiencing the power of the Holy Spirit like never before.

-The countless reminders of His presence through BIG things He knew would comfort me like, pink rainbows in an early morning sky, reminding me that HE IS a Promise Keeper & a Covenant Keeping God, or little things like her name in the most random places, like on the back of dressing room doors written in chalk or a random woman wearing precious jeans with little pink elephants on them and when I asked her who they were made by she said "Lily." 

I could go on and on....

The pathway the Lord chose to rescue the Israelites was HIS pathway. 

"...a pathway no one knew was there!"

I wonder what the Isrealites thought standing there looking at the Red Sea.

"This looks impossible. How will this ever work. What do you want us to do with that? Where's our boat? How will we all fit on it?" 

He made a way. 

And He WILL make a way and demonstrate His power among the nations and will redeem! 

And HE will be our Shepard and I will continue to pray for the "Moses" He has placed as our leader, my husband. 

This is my strength for today. 

And to remember and recall ALL He has done for us, not only in the adoption journey but on the CROSS! 

The power of sin is broken, death has been defeated and we.are.free!

(All of Romans)

May the things of Earth grow strangely dim, in the light of His glory and grace,

Kim 

I've gone past "my" due date...

Welp. 

We skipped right on past 9 months of waiting and we're in month 11.

I have officially passed my due date. {Friends who have been pregnant, you KNOW the weight behind those words}. Being "paper pregnant" has a LOT of similarities.} That's another post. 

Because you know, I have have it figured out and know EXACTLY when this African princess will be born into our lives.

In the words of the early 90's *SIKE*.

I have no.clue.

Our summer was pretty eventful with lots of bike riding, trips to Chehaw, a trip to the ER, playing in the rain, birthday's, the beach, ice-cream,  movies and spur of the moment road trips, my #2 going to big church for the first time, Kari Jobe concert, swimming, 4th of July, PRECIOUS outfits showing up in the mail for her, bags of super cute clothes being brought over, her side of the room being prepared. It actually flew by very quickly.

But there was one conversation that happened about once a week....

Roger: We bought that push mower for Cameron to cut the grass. Why do you keep cutting it?

Me: Because I can see it & I have a longing to cut the grass.

I'm a visual person. 

I like to read books with pictures.

I like to take pictures.

I like to see things.

Its very obvious when you cut the grass that something is happening. And with all the rain we had there was a LOT to see because it just kept growing and growing and growing. 

When we built our house (don't worry it's not a huge fancy thing like you prob just imagined) we had to cut as many corners as we could to afford it and along with crown molding went landscaping.  Nothing was planted. Not a single bush or square of grass was laid out. So we spent a LOT of time praying for grass.

A former neighbor even helped up plant some seeds and we watered and watered and watered. We were the neighbors flipping their porch lights on & off in the odd hours of the night moving sprinklers around in desperation to wake up one morning and see tiny little green sprigs popping up through the dirt.

We seeded the back but not the front.... this picture my friends is of the FRONT yard.

Only Jesus made that grass grow.

So in my longing to mow the grass I thanked Him with every.single.row. I made in that yard. Sometimes backing up and re-mowing over an area because it was SO THICK! 

Thanking Him for HEARING our prayers for grass for ANSWERING these prayers and for GIVING us grass and for going over and beyond and giving us THICK PRETTY GREEN grass. He is faithful in the big and the small my friends. Never think anything you are praying for is trivial and ALWAYS give Him the glory when He answers!

This act of mowing the grass was soothing to my soul & was the perfect visual of something for me to see in this waiting season.

Such a reminder that He is HEARING our prayers and that He will ANSWER our prayers and that He will go over & beyond and give us a BEAUTIFUL daughter that I can WAIT to lay my eyes on! 

I just mowed my little heart out y'all. Crying out to the Lord with every row for our Lily. Imagining her sitting on our front porch with side walk chalk as I mowed wondering if next summer she would be here. Lots of praying and rejoicing and thanking was done this Summer in cutting that grass.

Oh 11 months... eleven, as is next month will be a year. A year of waiting.... Honestly I can't believe it. I mean I can but I can't.

While the summer went by quickly I had the opportunity to make lots of new friend via social media.

You know, sometimes social media gets a bad wrap but in the adoption community the Lord.uses.it!! Can I get an amen adoptive mamma's?? And daddy's? (that was for you Todd) 

Along with new friends comes lots of knowledge about the adoption process because some of your new friends are further along in their journey.

Here is a MAJOR thing I learned. 

While there are MILLIONS of orphans not all of them are adoptable.

So what does THAT mean?

There are laws put into place to protect against illegal adoptions. Go here for more information. 

These children have to become adoptable. This process is completed on the Orphanage side.

While we had mounds of paperwork to complete in order for us to adopt, there are LOTS of things that have to happen for Lily for her to become available for adoption.It varies from country to country.

For Ethiopia, part of that process is locating the person who either abandoned her at the orphanage OR the person who found her and brought her to the orphanage. Now listen, I'm not talking driving across town or down the street locating, I'm talking the possibility of her mother traveling, maybe by foot, many miles into the city from a village to bring her to the orphanage bc she knows she will be cared for & fed. I'm talking locating a random person who found her on the street and brought her to the orphanage in a city of MILLIONS. (in 2008 Addis Ababa had a population of 3.385 MILLION people.) 

Once this person is found they have to appear in court. The purpose of this to prove that she is a true orphan or is being orphaned. There are many reasons why children are orphaned. In Africa many times it's due to disease, mother dies from HIV & there's no one to care for them, or bc there are too many children for a single mother to care for and she knows that by taking them to the orphanage they will be fed & taken care of and eventually adopted. 

If this person can not be located and if found does not appear in court, the process of making her adoptable doesn't continue. *deep breath*long sigh*

Every orphanage I have ever seen has been a little understaffed and over populated by children. Bottles are propped up during feeding time, children are not really played with, lots of time spent in the crib or pack-n-play time because there are simply not enough hands. And I admit the thought of it being the orphanages responsibility to find the time to seek out these people, help them make their court date, get medicals done & simply deem the child ADOPTABLE sounds impossible. But it does happen! 

Add in the fact that it's rainy season in Ethiopia and <BAM> that makes everything more difficult. They close court because no one can get to the court house bc the roads are in such horrible condition from the rain. The power goes on and off, the internet is in and out. Think of how we would be affected if it rained this much where we live....

(picture from a FB missionary friends page he posted from the streets of Addis)

And on top of all of this we are currently on hold, again.

There are some licening issues in Ethiopia with our agency. They have told us they are "close" to having it resolved but until it's resolved referrals/adoptions are not happening.

*sigh*

This is what we have been praying this week regarding the licensing issue:

Prepare the way of the Lord,

Make straight in the desert

a highway for our God.

Every valley shall be exalted

And every mountain and hill brought low;

The crooked places shall be made straight

and the rough places smooth;

The glory of the Lord shall be revealed,

and all flesh shall see it together.

Isaiah 40:3-5

That every obstacle to get this license complete would be removed, every difficult area would be straightened, that the Lord would burden the hearts of these government officials to get this done, that there would be a sense of urgency within, that the Lord would give favor to the agency representative handling this in Ethiopia. And all this so that the glory of the Lord will be revealed for everyone to see.

We are asking Him to do things that only He could do. If we could do them then we would seek the praise and you wouldn't see the power and sovereignty of our God. THIS is why we have walked this adoption so visibly, so you reader would see the Lord and His power. This is His stage, not ours, this is about Him, not us. For the first year we were busy with paperwork, busy fun-raising, busy busy busy and now....there is nothing left to do but wait. 

I don't want this waiting season to be wasted. I have had so many intimate moments with the Lord and tried to blog them but y'all, somethings are too imitate to be shared. Our God is so in tune with us. And in the midst of hard and pain and frustration He meets you there and does things that you have a hard time puting into words. He longs for our hurts to be turned towards Him not away from Him. He is waiting to lavish us with His power through the Holy Spirit. 

You know that's what He left us right? When He died on the cross and went up to Heaven, He left His Holy Spirit inside of us if you are a Born Again Believer. And He never leaves us. (John 14:16-18)

He empowers us to do things we can't do on our own in our own strength. In our weakness is when His strength is the MOST perfect! (2 Cor 12:9-11) What a perfect place to be, WEAK! Then it's HE gets the glory because it's HIS strength that carries us through & not our own.  #howdopeopledoitwithouttheLord 

He has such patience with us. I didn't fully surrender my life to Him until my 30's. And He endured with me that long! 

Paul says in 1 Timothy 1:16:

But God had mercy on me so that Christ Jesus could use me as a prime example of His great patience with even the worst of sinners. The others would realize that they, too, can believe in Him and receive eternal life.

We, wretched sinners, are the example of His great patience! 

He waited for Noah to build the arc before He flooded the Earth. (1 Pet 3:20) He is slow to anger and rich in love. (Ps 103:8) His patience is not like my patience! I think of my lack of patience at the red light, in the drive through, doing homework with my children, with people; it's so limited & based on my circumstance. His exercise of His power is His patience! And He desires to give us that same power through His Holy Spirit. (Gal 5:22) 

His patience with me motivates me to wait patiently for Him through the power of His Holy Spirit.  

So you may ask, what does it take so long to adopt? 

There are many reasons, finding people, rain, paperwork, red tape & the list goes on and on but oh how His Word & the Holy Spirit provide such strength & POWER as to wait patiently for Him! 

And the end result in all of this is yes, a cute little African princess but the PRIZE is knowing Him more, nothing compares! 

Everything else is worthless when compared with the infinite value of knowing Jesus Christ my Lord.

Phil 3:8

A little treat from last night, seeing the African Children's Choir who just *happened* to come through our town on tour. 

I'm so thankful for the opportunity I had to go with a team to South Africa last year and I can tell you the moment they opened their mouths the tears started flowing. 

Something about hearing another tribe our God created singing praises to Him!!! 

And a very personal praise is that the Lord allowed my husband to hear the sounds of these children singing these praises. I can try to tell him all day long how the Lord used it for me but until you hear with your own ears you'll never know. He heard last night and now knows what I've been trying to described for a year now. Same for my best friend.

Thank you Lord. You are so good to me..... #preparation #hearttying

May the things of Earth grow strangely dim, in the light of His glory & grace,

Kim

A few ps's:

-If you have the opportunity to do the Bible Study by Priscilla Shirer called Gideon, I HIGHLY recommend it! Some of this power & patient talk was learned from her study & the Word!

-Always wear a helmet while riding a bike. Hence the "er trip" from our summer shenanigans.

-If it rains on your beach trip, turn around and spend the rest of the day soaking in some good talk time with your BFF poolside. It will not be a wasted trip. I promise!

-Grab your kids and play in the rain for once. You'd be surprised how much fun it is!

-Grab the lawn mower & try mowing the grass. The Lord just might show up :)

Grow Your Blog Giveaway!!!

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Let's help get this baby girl from Democratic Republic of Congo home!!

May the things of Earth grow strangely dim, in the light of His glory & grace,

Kim

How we got to #1...

First things first, my husband and I are in agreement with this being posted.

Second things first, this road called "Adoption" it's not just about bringing this child/these children home.

It's a tool the Lord uses to rid your life of everything not of Him. Put your big girl panties on. 

It's called sanctification aka adoptification. 

You might have seen this yesterday with a bunch of these !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and cry faces!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
It's because we found out yesterday we are number One on the waiting list!!!!!!!
Next is a picture, her face, her birth name, her age----HER!!!!

I wanted to share with you how we became number one......

In December of 2011 our marriage went through a very difficult time that we would not have made it through with out Jesus Christ and His Word. It's just that simple.

When you are in sin, it will eventually come to the surface and be revealed either by an act or confession.
Sin came into the light and it rocked our marriage to core. The details of the sin are not important.
Because all sin is sin.
What happened after it came into the light is what we want to share.

We placed our adoption on hold. We do anything, especially anything the Lord would have us to with this is our lives.
We emailed our Agency & told them we were handling some issues within our family and for now we needed to put the breaks on our adoption until further notice.

This was a very difficult decision for us.
Sin had to be dealt with and counseling/restoration were necessary and Roger and I knew it.
This hold was a consequence of what had happened.
You need to know there are MAJOR consequences if you are in sin.

And did you know, when someone confesses sin, it causes you to examine your own heart?
And guess what, I had some confessing to do as well. The Lord had me confess sin to my husband that had been in my own life that wasn't sin directly against him but was effecting our marriage and I didn't even realize it.

If we confess our sins to Him, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all wickedness. 

1 John 1:9

We went straight into Biblical Marriage Counseling. Counseling that included homework-Studying Romans, paper based homework, electronic based homework and face to face home work between Roger and I. We also had intense accountability with trusted fellow believers. The couple of people in our lives that knew the details of what was going on & asked the hard questions, went to the deep places with us, that bathed us in prayer, prayed for our children, were on their knees in the night doing battle for us and gave wise biblical counsel.

I can tell you that it was during this time of our lives that this verse changed me forever.

Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers a multitude of sin.

1 Pet 4:8

And it did.

My love for the Lord, my love for the unity, sanctity, healing of my marriage, my love for my husband-even though the sin hurt so deeply, helped me over alllllll of that sin.

Deep love.

Deeeeeeeeeeeeeep love.

The Love that only comes from our Father and through the Holy Spirit.

It was this deep love that put Jesus on the cross! His love is what covers ALL of our sin!

God presented Jesus as the sacrifice for sin. People are made right with God when they believe that Jesus sacrificed His life, shedding his blood. Rom 3:25

How could I not forgive in light of my own sin.

We were determined to fight for our marriage!

To wade through the sea of hurt & pain not just to say we did it, because let me tell you, there is NOTHING you can do on your own! This kind of conquering can ONLY be done through the power of the Holy Spirit.

HE did it.

HE provided this deep love that helped both of us cover our sin. 

We were officially taken off of hold  on Feb 1, 2012. 

We called the agency and told them we were ready to move forward with our adoption. 

 My prayer after we proceeded was that the Lord would REDEEM our time on hold.

That He would some how honor our obedience in walking out this time we had just went through.

That He would somehow give us back the days we lost...

Can I tell you the reason why we became Number One is because the family in front of us put themselves on HOLD..........

They received a domestic placement (adopted a child in the United States.)

I'm not really sure how to word what is on my heart other than the feeling of having some time redeemed.

Feeling like we were bumped up a spot, moved forward, time given back.

This is such a personal feeling but I just want you to see and know that the Lord, our God is so much bigger that we are. His time table, His plan for our lives is inconceivable. And He is good! 

Sin causes pain. But oh how His forgiveness, restoration and redemption is JOYOUS!!!!

As Roger and I laid in the bed last night he drifted off to sleep and I laid there thinking of allllllll of this with tears streaming down my face.

All of that hurt, all of that pain, all of that darkness piercing into the light that was gut-wrenching to deal with, He did it. He brought us through it.

He made our marriage brand new, He made our intimate lives brand new, healing some painful areas that were SO deep seeded from our childhood carried into our marriage. 

Roger's life was changed in such a way that his eyes were open to exactly what sin is and how it separateness us from Christ and that He died to cover this exact sin we were both dealing with. He got saved!

This being Number One is so much more than being at the top, it is a spot we have been longing for and knowing just how we arrived here means all the difference in the world.......

All glory and honor to Your name oh Lord!!!!
It is YOU and ONLY YOU to whom we give all the praise!!

The Lord has done amazing things for us!

We are GLAD!!

Ps 126:3

May the things of Earth grow strangely dim in the light of His glory & grace,

Kim

Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The earnest prayer of a righteous person has great power and produces wonderful results.

James 5:16

Finally, I confessed all my sins to you & stopped trying to hide my guilt.

I said to myself "I will confess my rebellion to the Lord."

And You forgave me! All my guilt is gone.

Ps 32:5

Baobab Tree, Musina, South Africa ,May 2012
"Tree of Life"

Withhold...

Withhold: 

Refuse to give (something that is due to or is desired by another): "the withholding of consent to treatment". Suppress or hold back (an emotion or reaction).

It was one Sunday morning a few months ago in the midst of a discouraged-haven't-heard-anything-in-a-while waiting month, the Lord reminded me:

I'm not withholding her from you......

If I'm honest, these are thoughts that pop up from time to time...

*There are things the Lord is working on in me & until fill in the blank is conquered and done THEN He'll send her...

*Surely we need to get my #3's out-of-control behavior under control before He'll send her...

*Roger and I have a few things that still need to be sanctified in our marital relationship before she'll come....

*I've given up on the needing to be in a better spot financially one before she gets here... that will NEVER happen ;)

*How in the WORLD can we add another crazy to the mix of the 3 we have now. We need to get a better handle on them before He'll send her....

These are just to name a few.

But here's the truth...

The LORD will withhold no good thing from those who do what is right.

Ps 84:11b

By now you know this adoption is something the Lord specifically called us to do as a family. This has NOTHING, I repeat, NOTHING to do with how good or "right" we are. The only good you see in us is Jesus. 


SHE, however, our Lily is good. 

And He is NOT withholding her from us. He's not refusing to send her. He's not dangling her over our head as a reward to get things "right" or "better" before He decides it's time.


{Repeat out loud to yourself Kimberly Ann.}

He doesn't withhold good things from those who do what is right!

He knows the exact date we'll get the email.
The date we'll travel.
The date she'll be in our arms.
The date she'll step foot in this house.

He's not keeping her from us. It's not in His character.

Has He called you to something and you are waiting for it?
He's not withholding/refusing to give it/him/her to you.

Wait on Him...

May the things of Earth grow strangely dim in the light of His glory & grace,

Kim

This was taken out of the van window while we were traveling in South Africa one year ago this week...

On edge..

I'm literally on the edge of my seat.

The anticipation of THE phone call/email makes my heart race like this robust coffee I tried to drink a few weeks ago.

I'm catching myself thinking:

"Last year ON Mother's Day, I was literally sitting in the home of an Ethiopian family visiting with them IN Africa. Wouldn't it be SO COOL if we got THE call on or around this Mother's Day?!?!"

"What if my phone goes off in Bible study with THE call!?! I'm gonna go out into the hallway and answer it and a I may or may not care if I scream!!"

"What if we get THE call on Father's Day? That would literally tickle my husband pink."

When the screen of my phone lights up I break my neck to look at it. What if it's THE email?

Brushing my teeth, will today be THE day?

Where will I be when we get THE news?

Will I be grocery shopping in Wal-Mart? Will I leave my buggy or proceed to checkout? If I leave it there I'll blow my witness. Surely they'll understand, won't they?

THE ANTICIPATION IS KILLING ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


It could be any day or months from now.

No one but the Lord knows....

Reminds me of this verse:

No one knows the day or hour when these things will happen, not even the angels in heaven or the Son Himself. Only the Father knows.

Mark 13:32

No one knows when Jesus will return to claim His redeemed. 

Just like no one knows when we'll get the call for our Lily.

I wonder since Jesus doesn't know when His Father will say "It's time, go and get them," if He is on the edge of His seat as well? 

Can't you just see Him standing on the edge of the clouds like a runner at the start of a race waiting for the "GO!!"

And as believers we are EAGERLY hoping for the day when God will give us our full rights as His adopted children, including the new bodies He has promised us! 

Romans 8:23

We are longing for His return!

And since we don't know when He'll come back we should live in this anticipation in sharing the Good News with anyone we see!

Just this morning someone asked me how was our adoption going and I was EAGER to share with them that we are #2!! It literally could be any day.

Am I that eager to share the news of the One who paid the price for my sin? 

The One who rose from the grave? The One who has rescued me from the pit of hell? The One who has bought my life with a price? His own blood? The King of Kings? My great high Priest? My Comforter My Healer My Provider!

Oh that I would live my life on the edge of my seat to share about my Savior all the time!

We're nothing with out Him y'all. 

He died for you. 

Do you know Him?

May the things of Earth grow strangely dim in the light of His glory & grace,

Kim

Loss.

Her time arriving is coming closer and the pain and sadness she is fixing to experience is beginning to fill my heart.

We may be gaining her but she is loosing everything.

Her family. Birth momma/father/care taker/friends

Her country. Culture/Sights/smells/sounds/people/food

The loss of her family its self is overwhelming to think about.

She has not chosen to be an orphan.

Imagine if you were taken from the only "home" you've known all your life, to a country to permanently live in a home with a group of people, a different skin color from yours, people who speak a different language than you, eat different foods, dress differently, who are hugging and kissing all over you, rejoicing & crying over your arrival. Cameras in your face, new clothes on your body and all you REALLY want to do is run back to your all the things familiar & feel safe that were in your life.

I can't help but put myself in her place & wonder if any of these thoughts will come to mind.

The longing for the safety of the familiar.

Even if she comes from a "not so good" place by our definition. 

To her, it's all she's known.

I wonder exactly where she is right now as I'm typing this.

If she's even born yet. 

If she is still with her first momma, who is alive and well. 

Or if she is living in the streets. 

Or if she is being cared for by her grandmother who is ill and dying and is her last living relative to care for her.

I wonder how old she is.

I wonder if she has siblings or is an only child like me.

I wonder what all she has experienced in the short time she has been alive. Starvation/sickness.

I wonder if she has been hurt. By words or hands.

I wonder just how deep her pain will be.

Will I see it in her eyes?

Will she show it by her actions? Outwardly or by nothing at all.

One day she will ask me about her momma, her first momma. Lord give me the grace.

There will be moments in her life that I'm sure the wondering of who her first momma was will come across her mind.

What did she look like?

What did her voice sound like?
Did she sing to me?

How deep was her beauty?

Was she saved?

Will I see her again in Heaven?

Did she love me?

Did she want me?

Can you imagine not knowing these questions about the woman who gave birth to you?

The woman who carried you for 9 months. Who felt you move inside of her. Felt every hiccup. Every kick.

The women who's voice you heard and responded to even in the womb. The woman who went through excruciating pain to bring you into this world. The one who heard your first cry. The woman who fed you and bathed you....

This is a bitter sweet journey for her and she doesn't even know it.

So I'm praying for her heart already. The pain. The sadness. The loss.

I can not over look or try to fix, or make better, or cover and replace, take away or change.

Rest assured it is pain only my Jehovah Rapha, my Healer, can sooth and heal.

So when the day comes and she is finally "home" while my heart will be leaping for joy but it will also be mourning her loss.

I'm asking the Lord for wisdom. 

A knowing only given by the Holy Spirit as to when to hold and cry with, hold and listen to, hold and read the Word over and to love forever. And the grace to carry us through it all....

Baby girl you are being covered in prayer by your second momma already...

I love you.

Number 2!!!

It's a good thing I'm typing this instead of writing it because you wouldn't be able to read it I'm shaking with such excitement!!

We received the news that we are number 2 on the waiting list!!

T
W
O

As in next to number 1, as in almost there, as in OH MY GOSH THIS IS HAPPENING!!!!!

The crazy-just like the Lord- thing is, the day we found out we were number 2 is the day before Roger left for Cuba on a mission trip.
The day before I left for Africa last May we found out we were given the $20,000 grant.

Y'all, my words, they can't explain. Some things you just have to see.

That's the sole purpose for sharing this crazy journey with you is so that you will see the Lord & for His glory.
Oh my friend if you don't know Him you are missing out!!!

So what in the world is happening now...

This means once we become number 1, we wait for a referral.
The file containing a female between the ages of 0-4.
Her picture.
Her medical records & family history that they are aware of.
And we accept her.
Then we make plans to travel. This could take a several weeks to prepare for.
We are waiting to hear if we have any left over from the $20,000 grant we received to apply towards travel so we may be doing some more fun-raising.
Anxious to see how the Lord provides!!

I also want to share with you one other detail.

When we were filling out the mountains of paper work, we got to the line where it said "number of children you are requesting."
Roger and I felt that the Lord wanted us to be willing/open to a sibling group of 2. {see a pattern here with the 'w' word?}

This does not mean we are getting two children.

It does mean that if we become number 1 and our referral comes in, if she has a brother or a sister up to age 8 that brother or sister will come home with her and be in our family. They will not split up a sibling group.

I know, I know what you're thinking.

But we are trusting the Lord with this and He knows!! He.knows.
Willingness is what He wants.

What would your reaction be if I told you of a family that brought home a sibling group of 3 boys from Ethiopia to add to their family of 3 biological boys & 2 daughters from Ethiopia for a total of 8 children.
This family lives in a very moderate home and to make room  for these new additions they gave up their master bedroom & bathroom for multiple sets of bunk beds that would sleep all of their boys.

I can tell you what my reaction was "ummmm WOW. THAT is radical. THAT is something I'd never thought of. THAT is the most selfless act I can think of."

And then I asked myself, could I do that?
Could I/would I give up our nice spacious bedroom & the comfort of our big spacious bathroom to condense into a little extra bedroom with a bed & dresser for the sake of bringing home children to a forever family and raising them in a home filled with love & the Word of God?

This family was obedient to the Lord and He made a way for them.
Just like He made a way for the Israelites to escape Egypt by parting the Red Sea & just like He made a way for us to know Him by sacrificing His own son, Jesus, for you.

I am the way, the truth & the life, no one comes to the Father accept through me.- Jesus

John 14:6

We may not live in a "big enough" home or have "enough bedrooms" or "make enough money" by the worlds standards to bring home 2 children, but if we are obedient to the Lord, He will make a way and we have complete trust in Him.

Does the thought of bringing TWO children home scared me to death, yes it does!
But the thought of being disobedient to the Lord scares me more.

So, here we are, NUMBER TWO on the list.

Shaking yet?
Me too :)


May the things of Earth grow strangely dim, in the light of His glory & grace,

Kim