#allthethings

The battle has intensified since October when we got the news of our son.

Fighting to keep my eyes fixed on the things unseen, you know Jesus and eternity vs. the things seen, you know, the weeks and months passing, the email not there, other cases moving forward in their process and the list goes on and on.

Its this hard thing of wanting to close so my eyes so I don't see it all. Thinking that will help me not be so stirred up all the time & I can focus more on Jesus.

If I could just close my eyes that will help me tarry in this blissful state of not knowing and seeing so I won't have to fight the battle. But if I close my eyes that won't stop my mind from wandering. Oh but if my mind is distracted by the upcoming wedding season it will shift my attention and thoughts on someTHING else and I won't refresh my email every 5 minutes. That honestly sounds much easier.

Hogwash.

We are in a BATTLE for crying out loud. And it's not against the adoption agency or the in country staff or your husband or your boss or your fill-in-the-blank.
It's against the world, our flesh & against our enemy the thief who wants to kill us and steal from us and DESTROY us & evil rulers & authorities of the unseen world. John 10:10 / Eph 6:12

I can't close my eyes and wish for peaceful easy dreaming of rainbows and unicorns or sitting by the water with my Bible and feeling the cool breeze on my face, although that would be REALLY nice about right now.

I can put on my armor of God & trust in my Sword. Depending on the Holy Spirit to help me with the confidence according to His Word that He hears me and as I draw close to Him He promises to draw close to me knowing He is fighting for us. Empowered by the Holy Spirit putting to death the desires of my flesh and using my eyes & mind for righteousness sake. Seeing the whole picture with fixing my focus on Christ and renewing my mind with His Word.

I shout from the roof tops GOD IS GOOD and WHO IS LIKE OUR GOD when things are going good, but what about in the valleys? Because we are weary and weak and feel guilt from our lashing out in our flesh day to day out of bitterness and frustration on the delay of the thing, worried about the weeks ahead. Hand raised-my current situation.

Who or what really is my treasure? My thing? Who or what am I waiting on?

The child? The job? The good report? The house? The promise fulfilled?

All of those things are good, but they can all be taken away. Then what's left?

The things unseen, the things of eternity, eternal value, things that will never pass away.
And will always satisfy. The Person of Jesus Christ. I know how weak I am. I know the potential of my pride. I know my wandering heart, Lord I feel it. Proned to leave the God I love.

It's my greatest fear. Getting to the end of this current thing in my life that the Lord is sanctifying me with, obtaining the earthly prize and forgetting Him. The thing I've longed for, prayed for, lost sleep over, raised money for, worried over for so long....... I get it and then what?

Oh Lord bind me heart to Thee. Take my heart and seal it. Don't let me become proud and boastful and forget You.

Keep my eyes FIXED on you. You are my Treasure. You are my reward. You are the prize. You are the goal. Becoming more like You is my desire.
Help me Lord Jesus not to long for ANYTHING more than You. Not to go to the well for water in any other place for satisfaction other than Your well of Living Water. For You alone satisfy. I want to hunger and thirst for righteousness MORE than this child. Jesus set my mind on things above, not on the things that are on this Earth. Because I have died with You and my life is hidden with You.
Thank You for grace. And fresh mercy waiting for me every morning. And for the occasional mountain tops. You are faithful in it all.  

May ALL THE THINGS grow strangely dim in the light of His glory & grace,

Kim 

Obedience

This is Jesus speaking:

When you obey My commandments, you remain in My love, just as I obey my Father's commandments  and remain in His love.

John 15:10

How do we remain/abide in His love?

How did Jesus remain/abide in His Father's love?

Through obedience. 

Through obeying His commands.

What was the Father's command for His Son? What was His will for Jesus?

 But it was the LORD's good plan to crush Him and cause Him grief. Yet when His life is made an offering for sin, He will have many descendants. He will enjoy a long life, and the LORD's good plan will prosper in His hands.

Isaiah 53:10

 God sent his Son into the world not to judge the world, but to save the world through Him.

John 3:17

God's plan was for His Son Jesus to die. 

To crush Him. 

For Him to suffer. 

Rejected. 

Beaten. 

Betrayed. 

To die. 

And Jesus willingly obeyed His Father's command. Jesus was obedient....to death.

I dare say Obedience = suffering & at times death

Dying to our flesh, daily. For myself, minute by minute.

Jesus loved His Father and wanted to please His Father.

The expression of His love was His obedience. 

He showed His Father how much He loved Him by submitting to His plan for Him to die. 

Do we obey God's commands for a reward? 

For a "blessing?"

Are we obeying Him just to  receive something something out of it? A personal gain? A desire of the flesh satisfied? 

Do we tithe "so we'll have all of our financial needs met" or do we simply tithe because God's Word says to tithe and because we love God and want to please Him we obey His Word?

Are we obeying to adopt so we'll have a cute little girl running around here with a pink tutu & converse and take super cute pictures of her to paste all over social media and my heart will be fulfilled having a girl to complete our tribe? 

I confess to you it has taken me almost 3 years to come to the place of obedience with out a reward along this adoption road. 

I say it to my kids all the time.

"My desire is for you to obey because you love me, not out of fear of discipline or for a reward."

What was Jesus' reward? Knowing He pleased His Father's plan for His life.

John 15: 11 is what got me this morning....

I have told you these things so that you will be filled with My joy. 

Yes, your joy will overflow!

John 15:11

Jesus knew that obedience brings joy! That's what He's telling us these things. 

When we obey we will be filled with HIS Joy.

The JOY of obedience.

Obedience = Suffering = Joy

I know, it's a mystery. 

Not all obedience is easy, fun, feels good. In fact is produces suffering. But that suffering leads to JOY! His joy. Not joy from things of this world. 

It sheds a whole 'nother light on:

The joy of the Lord is your strength!

Neh 8:10

Obedience leads to sacrifice. A giving up of something. A surrendering. 

All throughout scripture obedience resulted in sacrifice. 

When God told Abraham in Gen 12:1 to "leave your native country, your relatives & your father's family, and go to the land I will show you" he sacrificed & gave up a lot! And then God told Abraham to kill his only son Isaac as a sacrifice in Gen 22. Hello! But each time Abraham was obedient to God's command. 

God's sacrifice for us was giving up His one and only Son.

He gave Him up so that WE would have eternal life.

Obedience may not feel good, make sense at times; chances are its in direct opposition to what your flesh desires but if you obey God's command and His will, it will lead to JOY. And that joy will be your STRENGTH. 

 

Standing on the edge, choosing obedience, knowing it might result in a lot of suffering but knowing it will please the Lord when we walk in obedience is enough. 

Dying to self and living life through the lens of eternity, the forever battle until Heaven. 

May the things of Earth grow strangely dim in the light of His glory & grace,

Kim

 On the shore of Haiti.

Other Plans.

There's so much to say.....

January: Our agency informed us that they officially lost their license in Ethiopia and we were given 2 decisions; Switch countries and remain with this agency or change agencies and start over with Ethiopia.

Listen, this battle of "changing countries" (this time it was Uganda) had been looming over us for what seems like a year and each time we have asked the Lord for guidance, a peace has never been given to make the change.

I found myself in Ps 143.

QUICKLY LORD answer me...
SHOW US where to walk...
TEACH US to do YOUR will....
HOLY SPIRIT LEAD US forward on firm footing...
FOR.THE.GLORY.OF.YOUR.NAME!

I begged this from the Lord. Cried out honestly.

Now in praying for the Lord to show us what to do, we researched what our options were.
Since Uganda was the other country choice I posted on a FB group for Uganda Momma's to please contact me bc I had some questions. Adoption peeps *UGANDA MOMMA'S HAVE THEIR JUNK TOGETHER!* Each country has their own thing going as far how how adoptions are facilitated and most adoptions from Uganda are done independently from an agency. I was allowed to be a part of private FB group for Uganda momma's and received straight up facts and also asked them if they had heard of a couple of names our agency gave us they were working with in Uganda.

The other option was to switch agencies and start all over. The one I REALLY DID NOT WANT TO DO! Trust another agency after what we have been through the past 2 years? Trust another agency after this one just all of a sudden lost their license? Trust another agency PERIOD? START OVER? We've been #1 for almost 8 months! We've waited over a year (which is nothing honestly)! All our paperwork is done! We are logged into ET already! START.OVER???? Bless....

There were several agencies still active with Ethiopia that I contacted and each time had very pleasant experiences and positive but also truthful information about the stability of ET adoptions. (A lot has happened since Christmas.) I also reached out to a few friends & strangers and asked for personal references regarding their experiences with one agency specifically. The feedback was positive and so I did more research on this agencies license in ET, called with specific questions regarding ethical adoptions, etc. After several conversations with this agency and pleasant email correspondence (listen, at this point I was in tears talking with the lady bc she was so nice compared to what we had experienced the past 2 years-I'm sure she thinks I'm cra) I gave it all to Roger and said "If we switch agencies this is the one."

Roger and I prayed together and separately and had one final call to make with our agency to talk with them one last time about some specifics and make sure we understanding exactly what the deal was.

We prayed together over the phone and made the conference call.

You know what, the Lord reveals His will in many ways. This time it was through a negative circumstance and we knew the second the phone call ended what the Lord would have us do.

We withdrew from our agency on Friday, Feb 14th (Valentines Day, I know, right?) and were accepted into the International Adoption Agency (IAN) family on Feb 17th.
We had just gotten out of a movie with the kids so we were all together as a family and sitting in the car when we got the call we were accepted. I was thankful to the Lord for Him allowing all of us to be together for that!

(this pictures is before we went in for the movie but describes perfectly the way we felt after the call. Minus the tears! ) 

Over the course of Feb 14-Feb 17 my body was acting very strange.
And by strange I mean all signs were pointing to the fact that I was pregnant.

I felt sick sick to my stomach, I wanted to eat certain things, several other woman things were happening &  my body physically was acting like it was pregnant JUST like it did with each of my pregnancies with my boys. 

Sunday morning I told Roger I couldn't stand it but after church we were going straight to the store to get a test.

So we did.....

 It was negative.

I was shocked honestly bc I just felt physically exactly the way I did when I was pregnant with the boys.

I'll be curious to know further on down the road what, if anything, was transpiring around this time and welp, let's face it, we are paper-pregnant again to say the least ;) And have a new beginning with a new agency.

Was starting over what I wanted to do. Ummm NO. But, it was exactly what the Lord had in mind.

Here are a couple of testimonies of what He has done since we've changed agencies.

Remember that $20,000 grant we received like right at the start of our paperwork process several years ago? If you don't remember you have GOT to read about what He did here!

Well, we had a balance of $17,600 left over.

When IAN sent me the fee sheet, guess what the cost totaled?

$17,600!!!!!

Only the Lord y'all. 

We have literally started over with paperwork.
Application fee, application paperwork, Program paperwork, re-doing our Dossier-whole 9 yards.

Now, usually you are not placed on the dreaded wait-list until all of your documents have been complete.

They allowed us to enter onto the wait-list while we are gathering our Dossier Documents!

Only the Lord y'all.

Here is the other thing.

Our previous agency was classified as a Christian Agency. This new agency is not.
Our prayer is that through this the Lord will use our case, use us, to draw someone who might be lost to salvation in Jesus Christ. If one person comes to saving faith in Him, ONE person, this starting over will be worth every.single.tear.shed!
Will you pray for us? For all of our interaction with this agency that they will see Christ? 

 Can I be real for just a minute?

We have reached the point in the process that honestly, in my own heart, it's not even about the child/children. It's about me and the Lord.

There has been some MAJOR sanctification going on up in here.
When you take your eyes off of your circumstances and FIX them on the Lord, it changes everything.

Do I still long for her? Absolutely.
But do I long for the Lord more, you bet your bottom dollar.

Do I still think of her and pray for her? Yes ma'am I do.
But do I desire His Word above anything else, YES.I.DO!

The story of Esther along with the story of Lazarus have comforted me a lot during this season of my life. (There are sooooo many things to glean from these stories!) And have cause me to examine my motives, my view of the Lord's character and His glory & His holiness.

After Jesus received word that Lazarus was sick, instead of leaving & going to him immediately, He choose to stay where He was for 2 more days. (John 11:5)

Then He told His disciples "Lazarus is dead. And for your sakes, I'm glad I wasn't there, for now you will really believe. Come, let's go see him." (John 11:14)

After Jesus finally arrived, He was told Lazarus had been in the grave for four days.
Mary fell at His feet and said "If you had only been here, my brother would not have died!" (John 11:32)

What if Jesus would have came immediately when He heard Laz was sick? He more than likely would have spared his life and sure, people would been astonished.

BUT: 

What would have brought the Lord more glory? 
What would have caused more people to have faith and believe in Christ?

Healing a sick man?
Or raising a dead man who had been in the grave for four days?

What would have made Mary more comfortable and pleased her more?
For Jesus to come quickly and heal Laz before he died? Or allow him to die & be buried for 4 days?

I have been Mary. I have wanted the Lord to come quickly and complete this part of our adoption process by giving us a referral and bringing Lily home.
Don't you see how hard & painful this is Lord? I know it's within Your power to do this! Come quickly and fulfill this promise! Make this roller coaster end.

But Jesus choose to delay in coming. He waited for Lazarus to die. And he was really dead. Like 4 days dead.
But oh when Jesus called Lazarus out from that grave!

After Jesus had the stone over the entrance of Lazarus' grave rolled away He said to Martha "Didn't I tell you that you would see God's glory if you believe?" (John 11:40)

After Lazarus was called out of the grave and came walking out alive the Bible says "Many of the people who were with Mary believed in Jesus when they saw this happen." (John 11:45)

So, if the Lord will receive more glory from a 4-5 year adoption rode, that has been started and re-started, hard, painful & bumpy than a smooth, 2 year rode---we.are.willing.to.go.there.

If more people will "believe in Christ" & place their faith in Him because of this delay---we.are.willing.to.go.there.

All along the way knowing He is sovereign- moving in situations, preparing hearts, working behind the scenes in places our earthly eye can not see- we are choosing to see and believe with our spiritual eyes- that He will finish what He has started, His plans will prevail. No matter how long it takes. No matter how painful it is. No matter how much it costs--we.are.all.in.
 
We can't thank you enough for all of the prayers lifted up on our behalf. On Lily's behalf &  the thoughtful tangible gifts along the way. They have encourage us so much! His little nuggets of mercy along the way and through grace we receive them.

As far as numbers go we are on the lists:

Infant Girl: 40, #24 of active families

Toddler Girl: 39, #26 of active families

Sibling group: 24, #17 of active families

So we are on 3 different lists & our #'s on the wait list are :
 #24
#26
#17

Not too bad I think! Honestly I was expecting a WHOLE lot worse!

Questions:

*So how long now?

The reality is that it could be years. They are giving us the general 18-24 month approx time but new requirements have been added to the process that will lengthen.

What's this sibling group stuff about?

From the start we felt the Lord wanted us to be willing to be open to a sibling group. Meaning if Lily has a brother or sister they would come home with us.

Over the past few weeks we have opened up our age range a bit & listed a few special needs.

We are now open to a female 0-5 & the second child 0-11.

Can I be real again?

I'm praying she has an older brother who is 11. I know, it's crazy. Please read 2 Cor 5:13.
This boy momma heart of mine.... I can't explain it. 
The Lord hard-wires us for His plans. It could include a single female or it could include 2 females or it could include a female and a male. Only the Lord knows.

Do you have all of the money you need?

No. We are always saving back in our Adoption Savings account for when it's time travel and if there are 2 children we will need to raise approx $7-10,000 more. He will provide. I'm confident of this!

What about you? Do you have any questions?

We've been continuing on with life just as He would have it.

I'm entering into a season of busy-ness with work, the kids have 1 month left of school, and Roger just got back from Cuba. Nothing has slowed down :)

not by sight.

2 Cor 5:7

We are keeping our eyes on Him, the Author and Perfecter of our faith. With Him nothing is impossible and with Him we can do anything because He is our strength! He's all we want, He's all we long for. More of Him and less of us. Less of satisfying our own comfort and ease. We are taking up our cross and dying daily to our flesh all for His glory and to walk intimately with Him.
Do you know Him? Have you trusted Him as Lord and Savior of your life? I would love to talk with you if you haven't!!

May the things of Earth grow strangely dim, in the light of His glory & grace,


Kim

Staying & Standing

Sometimes when you're mind and emotions are so wrapped up in making a decision is can make it even more difficult. And if I'm honest, for me, makes it almost impossible to pray about the situation.
That's where I found myself in praying about staying with Ethiopia or changing countries. Quit honestly I got tired of thinking about myself and how I was feeling or how confused I was or how foggy my mind was. I couldn't just sit and read the Word without trying to filter every.single.passage. through the "we've got to make a decision lens." I just wanted to read it. Cause you know we can manipulate anything to go our way and slap "This is the word Lord gave us about this" behind it. Does that make sense?

After talking out & praying with a trusted sister in Christ {if you don't have one or two of those, I encourage you to ask the Lord for one/them} about the situation I decided to just start praying for my husband. The head/leader/king of our castle/captain of the boat, that's what we refer to him as anyway :)
The focus of my prayer was centered on Roger walking blameless before the Lord, asking the Lord to convict him of any sin so he could have the Lord's ear and hear clearly from Him. That He would speak to Roger and give him direction for our family, that Roger would abide in God's word and be very sensitive to the Holy Spirit.

All the while it has been time to update our Home study.
Paperwork expires and things have to be updated.

So we began re-doing things.
Fingerprints.
Medicals.
Employment verification.
Financial Information.
Etc.

It was an opportunity to see some of the same folks we had seen a year ago.
The Lord gave us opportunities to talk about that His faithfulness and share a little more about the process and domestic/international/DFACS/agencies; all sorts of stuff.

Ps-add in a week of bronchitis for Roger and round of antibiotics for me and we managed to come out alive.
Remembering October....

We're always thinking of you sweet girl.

You're always on our mind.

In Numbers 13 God promised this land to His people. He said it was theirs and that they should take it. When His people saw opposition they became cowards and started to not believe that what God had said was true. There was a nation in their way and they didn't believe God would deliver them over that nation. They sent spies and saw the land was good, but feared the the people who were in the land. They started to grumble (because it wasn't easy) and wish they had died in the wilderness or in Egypt  The promise land standing in front of them they wished they had died lost in the wilderness or as a slave in Egypt! So Moses and Aaron fell to their faces and prayed. Through their prayers, their faith, God forgave His people but there were still a consequence. God allowed an entire generation to be wiped out before giving them victory of the promise land! Moses said something so simple, but so amazing ... v. 41 - "Why are you disobeying the Lord's command? This will not succeed!" God had already delivered that land to His people, but His people were afraid that the enemy was too big, to strong and they didn't think they could conquer them. 
We will not be afraid! The Lord will give us victory for His name sake.
He gave Roger a Word and a peace.

We are staying. We are standing.

We are staying with Ethiopia.

*deep breath*long sigh*

This whole situation reminded me of 3 years ago THIS MONTH that I turned in my notice to my

-full time 8-5
-consistent paycheck
-health insurance
-retirement stuff
-incredible relationships with people I love dearly and still do
-highest paying job I'd ever had
-job that I knew if I left I'd never find another place like it, where we prayed together every morning before the work day began, I mean ALL the employees prayed together
-BEST JOB I'D EVER HAD

to be a stay at home/work at home momma and trust the Lord with His photography business full time.

SCARED TO DEATH- HARDEST DECISION OF MY LIFE.

We could have stayed at the bank where it was

-comfortable
-consistent
-routine
-planned
-safe
-dependable
-easy

And the Lord would have still loved us and used us and blessed us.

Leaving  required us to trust the Lord more than me staying.
Leaving required us to cling to the Word more than me staying.
Leaving required position us to rely on Him for everything.

Has it been easy? Absolutely not. Has everything made sense? Absolutely not.
But I tell you one thing, I would do it all over again.

Now all glory to God, who is able, through his mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think.

Eph 3:20

And we are.

And that's exactly what we are trusting Him for with staying with Ethiopia.

It would be easier for us to change countries, taking matters into our own hands getting paperwork going, SEEING movement, getting the ball rolling, speeding things up.

We are trusting Him for the hard. We are trusting Him for Ethiopia. He is faithful and we know it.
And we will wait. For how long? Until He tells us to move.
Faith of a mustard seed. Faith.of.a.mustard.seed. waiting for this mountain to move.

Prepare the way of the Lord,

Make straight in the desert

a highway for our God.

Every valley shall be exalted

And every mountain and hill brought low;

The crooked places shall be made straight

and the rough places smooth;

The glory of the Lord shall be revealed,

and all flesh shall see it together.

Isaiah 40:3-5

I can't tell you enough how much your prayers have meant to us.
You hear people say or read people type "praying for you" but to KNOW someone is sincerely thinking of you and bringing you to the Father in prayer is humbling as all get out.
Cherished brother and sisters in Christ, we have felt the body of Christ by your prayers. Thank you for every hug, every text, every FB message, every blog comment.

We are believing the Lord for this license issue. Please continue to pray with us.

May the things of Earth grow strangely dim, in the light of His glory and grace,

Kim

BUT THEN.... one year.

***Please don't skip over reading this Psalm & go straight to have I have written. 

I guarantee you there is more power in God's Word than in a single period of a question mark in mine.***

Psalm 77

I cry out to God; yes I shout.

Oh, God that You would listen to me!

When I was in deep trouble,

I searched for the Lord.
All night long I prayed, with hands lifted towards heaven,

but my soul was not comforted.

I think of God, and I moan,

overwhelmed with longing for His help.

You don't let me sleep.

I am too distressed even to pray!

I think of the good ole days, 

long since ended,

when my nights were filled with joyful songs.

I search my soul and ponder the difference now.

Has the Lord rejected me forever?

Will He never be kind to me again?

Is His unfailing love gone forever?

Have His promises permanently failed?

Has God forgotten to be gracious?
Has He slammed the door on His compassion?

And I said "This is my fate, the Most High has turned His hand against me."

BUT THEN I recall all You have done, O Lord,

I REMEMBER Your wonderful deeds of long ago.

They are constantly in my thoughts. 

I cannot stop thinking about Your mighty works.

O God, Your ways are holy.

Is there any god as mighty as You?

You are the God of great wonders!

You demonstrate Your awesome power among the nations.

By Your strong arm, You redeemed Your people, the descendants of Jacob & Joseph. 

When the Red Sea saw You, O God, its waters looked and trembled!

The sea quaked to its very depths.

The clouds poured down rain;

the thunder rumbled in the sky.

Your arrows of lightning flashed.

Your thunder roared from the whirlwind; the lightning lit up the world!

The earth trembled and shook.

Your road led through the sea, Your pathway through the mighty waters-

a pathway no one knew was there!

You led Your people along that road

like a flock of sheep,

with Moses and Aaron as their shepherds. 

I can identify with this Psalm. Especially within the past week.

We received not so good news from our agency regarding a license issue in Ethiopia and we were given options to seek the Lord about.

We can wait out the government making these changes to the license, with no time frame or guarantee that it will be resolved.

OR

We can change countries & leaving our Dossier in Ethiopia in case the government approves the license.

I know, you might be thinking "whats the big deal, change countries and roll with it."

Roll with it without the Lord possibly? No thank you.

We have come to a halt where a decision has to be made and if I could be honest it is overwhelming to think about. My emotions are so wrapped up in my thoughts "I'm too distressed to pray." I can not sleep and "my soul is not being comforted."

We laid in bed last night and I talking about "the good ole days" when we were completed the task at hand of paperwork and turning it in, going to bed at night with excitement "filled with joyful songs" and were fundraising seeing the Lord move and show off in big ways with BIG amounts. Everything was so exciting. 

My, oh my, what a different place we are in now.

It has been a year of waiting. A solid year of moving closer and closer to the top where we have finally reached the #1 spot and now look where we're at. The thought of the Lord "slamming the door on His compassion" of the country of Ethiopia being where our daughter is has crossed my mind, more than once. And when I think of the situation I can't help but to "moan" and wonder "What in the world are you doing, Lord? Will You ever be kind to us again?"

BUT THEN........

Oh, I am so thankful for His Word. 

I texted a portion of this passage to a friend this morning as encouragement and then as I began looking over the whole Psalm I found myself in tears half way through.

This Psalmist has been in my heart and wrote down on paper exactly where I have been for the last week.

Isn't it INCREDIBLE? The Word. This book written so long ago? It.is.alive.and relate-able and it SPEAKS!

Then BUT THEN... it's in the remembering and recalling....

{Through the lens of this adoption journey I began to recall ALL He has done.}

-The speediness of paperwork.

-The outpouring of friends with fun-raisers.

-The fact that every.single.time. we had paperwork to turn in, we had the funds! (sometimes you wait on the Lord to provide the money before you can turn in paperwork)

-The TWENTY THOUSAND DOLLARS HE GAVE US!!!

-And all through out this year of waiting the victories He has given us over sin & a restored marriage, the treasures from His Word, the intimate moments at His feet, the GRACE to endure the pruning and sanctify to be more like my Savior, the powerful private communion with my God and experiencing the power of the Holy Spirit like never before.

-The countless reminders of His presence through BIG things He knew would comfort me like, pink rainbows in an early morning sky, reminding me that HE IS a Promise Keeper & a Covenant Keeping God, or little things like her name in the most random places, like on the back of dressing room doors written in chalk or a random woman wearing precious jeans with little pink elephants on them and when I asked her who they were made by she said "Lily." 

I could go on and on....

The pathway the Lord chose to rescue the Israelites was HIS pathway. 

"...a pathway no one knew was there!"

I wonder what the Isrealites thought standing there looking at the Red Sea.

"This looks impossible. How will this ever work. What do you want us to do with that? Where's our boat? How will we all fit on it?" 

He made a way. 

And He WILL make a way and demonstrate His power among the nations and will redeem! 

And HE will be our Shepard and I will continue to pray for the "Moses" He has placed as our leader, my husband. 

This is my strength for today. 

And to remember and recall ALL He has done for us, not only in the adoption journey but on the CROSS! 

The power of sin is broken, death has been defeated and we.are.free!

(All of Romans)

May the things of Earth grow strangely dim, in the light of His glory and grace,

Kim 

I've gone past "my" due date...

Welp. 

We skipped right on past 9 months of waiting and we're in month 11.

I have officially passed my due date. {Friends who have been pregnant, you KNOW the weight behind those words}. Being "paper pregnant" has a LOT of similarities.} That's another post. 

Because you know, I have have it figured out and know EXACTLY when this African princess will be born into our lives.

In the words of the early 90's *SIKE*.

I have no.clue.

Our summer was pretty eventful with lots of bike riding, trips to Chehaw, a trip to the ER, playing in the rain, birthday's, the beach, ice-cream,  movies and spur of the moment road trips, my #2 going to big church for the first time, Kari Jobe concert, swimming, 4th of July, PRECIOUS outfits showing up in the mail for her, bags of super cute clothes being brought over, her side of the room being prepared. It actually flew by very quickly.

But there was one conversation that happened about once a week....

Roger: We bought that push mower for Cameron to cut the grass. Why do you keep cutting it?

Me: Because I can see it & I have a longing to cut the grass.

I'm a visual person. 

I like to read books with pictures.

I like to take pictures.

I like to see things.

Its very obvious when you cut the grass that something is happening. And with all the rain we had there was a LOT to see because it just kept growing and growing and growing. 

When we built our house (don't worry it's not a huge fancy thing like you prob just imagined) we had to cut as many corners as we could to afford it and along with crown molding went landscaping.  Nothing was planted. Not a single bush or square of grass was laid out. So we spent a LOT of time praying for grass.

A former neighbor even helped up plant some seeds and we watered and watered and watered. We were the neighbors flipping their porch lights on & off in the odd hours of the night moving sprinklers around in desperation to wake up one morning and see tiny little green sprigs popping up through the dirt.

We seeded the back but not the front.... this picture my friends is of the FRONT yard.

Only Jesus made that grass grow.

So in my longing to mow the grass I thanked Him with every.single.row. I made in that yard. Sometimes backing up and re-mowing over an area because it was SO THICK! 

Thanking Him for HEARING our prayers for grass for ANSWERING these prayers and for GIVING us grass and for going over and beyond and giving us THICK PRETTY GREEN grass. He is faithful in the big and the small my friends. Never think anything you are praying for is trivial and ALWAYS give Him the glory when He answers!

This act of mowing the grass was soothing to my soul & was the perfect visual of something for me to see in this waiting season.

Such a reminder that He is HEARING our prayers and that He will ANSWER our prayers and that He will go over & beyond and give us a BEAUTIFUL daughter that I can WAIT to lay my eyes on! 

I just mowed my little heart out y'all. Crying out to the Lord with every row for our Lily. Imagining her sitting on our front porch with side walk chalk as I mowed wondering if next summer she would be here. Lots of praying and rejoicing and thanking was done this Summer in cutting that grass.

Oh 11 months... eleven, as is next month will be a year. A year of waiting.... Honestly I can't believe it. I mean I can but I can't.

While the summer went by quickly I had the opportunity to make lots of new friend via social media.

You know, sometimes social media gets a bad wrap but in the adoption community the Lord.uses.it!! Can I get an amen adoptive mamma's?? And daddy's? (that was for you Todd) 

Along with new friends comes lots of knowledge about the adoption process because some of your new friends are further along in their journey.

Here is a MAJOR thing I learned. 

While there are MILLIONS of orphans not all of them are adoptable.

So what does THAT mean?

There are laws put into place to protect against illegal adoptions. Go here for more information. 

These children have to become adoptable. This process is completed on the Orphanage side.

While we had mounds of paperwork to complete in order for us to adopt, there are LOTS of things that have to happen for Lily for her to become available for adoption.It varies from country to country.

For Ethiopia, part of that process is locating the person who either abandoned her at the orphanage OR the person who found her and brought her to the orphanage. Now listen, I'm not talking driving across town or down the street locating, I'm talking the possibility of her mother traveling, maybe by foot, many miles into the city from a village to bring her to the orphanage bc she knows she will be cared for & fed. I'm talking locating a random person who found her on the street and brought her to the orphanage in a city of MILLIONS. (in 2008 Addis Ababa had a population of 3.385 MILLION people.) 

Once this person is found they have to appear in court. The purpose of this to prove that she is a true orphan or is being orphaned. There are many reasons why children are orphaned. In Africa many times it's due to disease, mother dies from HIV & there's no one to care for them, or bc there are too many children for a single mother to care for and she knows that by taking them to the orphanage they will be fed & taken care of and eventually adopted. 

If this person can not be located and if found does not appear in court, the process of making her adoptable doesn't continue. *deep breath*long sigh*

Every orphanage I have ever seen has been a little understaffed and over populated by children. Bottles are propped up during feeding time, children are not really played with, lots of time spent in the crib or pack-n-play time because there are simply not enough hands. And I admit the thought of it being the orphanages responsibility to find the time to seek out these people, help them make their court date, get medicals done & simply deem the child ADOPTABLE sounds impossible. But it does happen! 

Add in the fact that it's rainy season in Ethiopia and <BAM> that makes everything more difficult. They close court because no one can get to the court house bc the roads are in such horrible condition from the rain. The power goes on and off, the internet is in and out. Think of how we would be affected if it rained this much where we live....

(picture from a FB missionary friends page he posted from the streets of Addis)

And on top of all of this we are currently on hold, again.

There are some licening issues in Ethiopia with our agency. They have told us they are "close" to having it resolved but until it's resolved referrals/adoptions are not happening.

*sigh*

This is what we have been praying this week regarding the licensing issue:

Prepare the way of the Lord,

Make straight in the desert

a highway for our God.

Every valley shall be exalted

And every mountain and hill brought low;

The crooked places shall be made straight

and the rough places smooth;

The glory of the Lord shall be revealed,

and all flesh shall see it together.

Isaiah 40:3-5

That every obstacle to get this license complete would be removed, every difficult area would be straightened, that the Lord would burden the hearts of these government officials to get this done, that there would be a sense of urgency within, that the Lord would give favor to the agency representative handling this in Ethiopia. And all this so that the glory of the Lord will be revealed for everyone to see.

We are asking Him to do things that only He could do. If we could do them then we would seek the praise and you wouldn't see the power and sovereignty of our God. THIS is why we have walked this adoption so visibly, so you reader would see the Lord and His power. This is His stage, not ours, this is about Him, not us. For the first year we were busy with paperwork, busy fun-raising, busy busy busy and now....there is nothing left to do but wait. 

I don't want this waiting season to be wasted. I have had so many intimate moments with the Lord and tried to blog them but y'all, somethings are too imitate to be shared. Our God is so in tune with us. And in the midst of hard and pain and frustration He meets you there and does things that you have a hard time puting into words. He longs for our hurts to be turned towards Him not away from Him. He is waiting to lavish us with His power through the Holy Spirit. 

You know that's what He left us right? When He died on the cross and went up to Heaven, He left His Holy Spirit inside of us if you are a Born Again Believer. And He never leaves us. (John 14:16-18)

He empowers us to do things we can't do on our own in our own strength. In our weakness is when His strength is the MOST perfect! (2 Cor 12:9-11) What a perfect place to be, WEAK! Then it's HE gets the glory because it's HIS strength that carries us through & not our own.  #howdopeopledoitwithouttheLord 

He has such patience with us. I didn't fully surrender my life to Him until my 30's. And He endured with me that long! 

Paul says in 1 Timothy 1:16:

But God had mercy on me so that Christ Jesus could use me as a prime example of His great patience with even the worst of sinners. The others would realize that they, too, can believe in Him and receive eternal life.

We, wretched sinners, are the example of His great patience! 

He waited for Noah to build the arc before He flooded the Earth. (1 Pet 3:20) He is slow to anger and rich in love. (Ps 103:8) His patience is not like my patience! I think of my lack of patience at the red light, in the drive through, doing homework with my children, with people; it's so limited & based on my circumstance. His exercise of His power is His patience! And He desires to give us that same power through His Holy Spirit. (Gal 5:22) 

His patience with me motivates me to wait patiently for Him through the power of His Holy Spirit.  

So you may ask, what does it take so long to adopt? 

There are many reasons, finding people, rain, paperwork, red tape & the list goes on and on but oh how His Word & the Holy Spirit provide such strength & POWER as to wait patiently for Him! 

And the end result in all of this is yes, a cute little African princess but the PRIZE is knowing Him more, nothing compares! 

Everything else is worthless when compared with the infinite value of knowing Jesus Christ my Lord.

Phil 3:8

A little treat from last night, seeing the African Children's Choir who just *happened* to come through our town on tour. 

I'm so thankful for the opportunity I had to go with a team to South Africa last year and I can tell you the moment they opened their mouths the tears started flowing. 

Something about hearing another tribe our God created singing praises to Him!!! 

And a very personal praise is that the Lord allowed my husband to hear the sounds of these children singing these praises. I can try to tell him all day long how the Lord used it for me but until you hear with your own ears you'll never know. He heard last night and now knows what I've been trying to described for a year now. Same for my best friend.

Thank you Lord. You are so good to me..... #preparation #hearttying

May the things of Earth grow strangely dim, in the light of His glory & grace,

Kim

A few ps's:

-If you have the opportunity to do the Bible Study by Priscilla Shirer called Gideon, I HIGHLY recommend it! Some of this power & patient talk was learned from her study & the Word!

-Always wear a helmet while riding a bike. Hence the "er trip" from our summer shenanigans.

-If it rains on your beach trip, turn around and spend the rest of the day soaking in some good talk time with your BFF poolside. It will not be a wasted trip. I promise!

-Grab your kids and play in the rain for once. You'd be surprised how much fun it is!

-Grab the lawn mower & try mowing the grass. The Lord just might show up :)

How we got to #1...

First things first, my husband and I are in agreement with this being posted.

Second things first, this road called "Adoption" it's not just about bringing this child/these children home.

It's a tool the Lord uses to rid your life of everything not of Him. Put your big girl panties on. 

It's called sanctification aka adoptification. 

You might have seen this yesterday with a bunch of these !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and cry faces!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
It's because we found out yesterday we are number One on the waiting list!!!!!!!
Next is a picture, her face, her birth name, her age----HER!!!!

I wanted to share with you how we became number one......

In December of 2011 our marriage went through a very difficult time that we would not have made it through with out Jesus Christ and His Word. It's just that simple.

When you are in sin, it will eventually come to the surface and be revealed either by an act or confession.
Sin came into the light and it rocked our marriage to core. The details of the sin are not important.
Because all sin is sin.
What happened after it came into the light is what we want to share.

We placed our adoption on hold. We do anything, especially anything the Lord would have us to with this is our lives.
We emailed our Agency & told them we were handling some issues within our family and for now we needed to put the breaks on our adoption until further notice.

This was a very difficult decision for us.
Sin had to be dealt with and counseling/restoration were necessary and Roger and I knew it.
This hold was a consequence of what had happened.
You need to know there are MAJOR consequences if you are in sin.

And did you know, when someone confesses sin, it causes you to examine your own heart?
And guess what, I had some confessing to do as well. The Lord had me confess sin to my husband that had been in my own life that wasn't sin directly against him but was effecting our marriage and I didn't even realize it.

If we confess our sins to Him, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all wickedness. 

1 John 1:9

We went straight into Biblical Marriage Counseling. Counseling that included homework-Studying Romans, paper based homework, electronic based homework and face to face home work between Roger and I. We also had intense accountability with trusted fellow believers. The couple of people in our lives that knew the details of what was going on & asked the hard questions, went to the deep places with us, that bathed us in prayer, prayed for our children, were on their knees in the night doing battle for us and gave wise biblical counsel.

I can tell you that it was during this time of our lives that this verse changed me forever.

Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers a multitude of sin.

1 Pet 4:8

And it did.

My love for the Lord, my love for the unity, sanctity, healing of my marriage, my love for my husband-even though the sin hurt so deeply, helped me over alllllll of that sin.

Deep love.

Deeeeeeeeeeeeeep love.

The Love that only comes from our Father and through the Holy Spirit.

It was this deep love that put Jesus on the cross! His love is what covers ALL of our sin!

God presented Jesus as the sacrifice for sin. People are made right with God when they believe that Jesus sacrificed His life, shedding his blood. Rom 3:25

How could I not forgive in light of my own sin.

We were determined to fight for our marriage!

To wade through the sea of hurt & pain not just to say we did it, because let me tell you, there is NOTHING you can do on your own! This kind of conquering can ONLY be done through the power of the Holy Spirit.

HE did it.

HE provided this deep love that helped both of us cover our sin. 

We were officially taken off of hold  on Feb 1, 2012. 

We called the agency and told them we were ready to move forward with our adoption. 

 My prayer after we proceeded was that the Lord would REDEEM our time on hold.

That He would some how honor our obedience in walking out this time we had just went through.

That He would somehow give us back the days we lost...

Can I tell you the reason why we became Number One is because the family in front of us put themselves on HOLD..........

They received a domestic placement (adopted a child in the United States.)

I'm not really sure how to word what is on my heart other than the feeling of having some time redeemed.

Feeling like we were bumped up a spot, moved forward, time given back.

This is such a personal feeling but I just want you to see and know that the Lord, our God is so much bigger that we are. His time table, His plan for our lives is inconceivable. And He is good! 

Sin causes pain. But oh how His forgiveness, restoration and redemption is JOYOUS!!!!

As Roger and I laid in the bed last night he drifted off to sleep and I laid there thinking of allllllll of this with tears streaming down my face.

All of that hurt, all of that pain, all of that darkness piercing into the light that was gut-wrenching to deal with, He did it. He brought us through it.

He made our marriage brand new, He made our intimate lives brand new, healing some painful areas that were SO deep seeded from our childhood carried into our marriage. 

Roger's life was changed in such a way that his eyes were open to exactly what sin is and how it separateness us from Christ and that He died to cover this exact sin we were both dealing with. He got saved!

This being Number One is so much more than being at the top, it is a spot we have been longing for and knowing just how we arrived here means all the difference in the world.......

All glory and honor to Your name oh Lord!!!!
It is YOU and ONLY YOU to whom we give all the praise!!

The Lord has done amazing things for us!

We are GLAD!!

Ps 126:3

May the things of Earth grow strangely dim in the light of His glory & grace,

Kim

Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The earnest prayer of a righteous person has great power and produces wonderful results.

James 5:16

Finally, I confessed all my sins to you & stopped trying to hide my guilt.

I said to myself "I will confess my rebellion to the Lord."

And You forgave me! All my guilt is gone.

Ps 32:5

Baobab Tree, Musina, South Africa ,May 2012
"Tree of Life"