On edge..

I'm literally on the edge of my seat.

The anticipation of THE phone call/email makes my heart race like this robust coffee I tried to drink a few weeks ago.

I'm catching myself thinking:

"Last year ON Mother's Day, I was literally sitting in the home of an Ethiopian family visiting with them IN Africa. Wouldn't it be SO COOL if we got THE call on or around this Mother's Day?!?!"

"What if my phone goes off in Bible study with THE call!?! I'm gonna go out into the hallway and answer it and a I may or may not care if I scream!!"

"What if we get THE call on Father's Day? That would literally tickle my husband pink."

When the screen of my phone lights up I break my neck to look at it. What if it's THE email?

Brushing my teeth, will today be THE day?

Where will I be when we get THE news?

Will I be grocery shopping in Wal-Mart? Will I leave my buggy or proceed to checkout? If I leave it there I'll blow my witness. Surely they'll understand, won't they?

THE ANTICIPATION IS KILLING ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


It could be any day or months from now.

No one but the Lord knows....

Reminds me of this verse:

No one knows the day or hour when these things will happen, not even the angels in heaven or the Son Himself. Only the Father knows.

Mark 13:32

No one knows when Jesus will return to claim His redeemed. 

Just like no one knows when we'll get the call for our Lily.

I wonder since Jesus doesn't know when His Father will say "It's time, go and get them," if He is on the edge of His seat as well? 

Can't you just see Him standing on the edge of the clouds like a runner at the start of a race waiting for the "GO!!"

And as believers we are EAGERLY hoping for the day when God will give us our full rights as His adopted children, including the new bodies He has promised us! 

Romans 8:23

We are longing for His return!

And since we don't know when He'll come back we should live in this anticipation in sharing the Good News with anyone we see!

Just this morning someone asked me how was our adoption going and I was EAGER to share with them that we are #2!! It literally could be any day.

Am I that eager to share the news of the One who paid the price for my sin? 

The One who rose from the grave? The One who has rescued me from the pit of hell? The One who has bought my life with a price? His own blood? The King of Kings? My great high Priest? My Comforter My Healer My Provider!

Oh that I would live my life on the edge of my seat to share about my Savior all the time!

We're nothing with out Him y'all. 

He died for you. 

Do you know Him?

May the things of Earth grow strangely dim in the light of His glory & grace,

Kim

Loss.

Her time arriving is coming closer and the pain and sadness she is fixing to experience is beginning to fill my heart.

We may be gaining her but she is loosing everything.

Her family. Birth momma/father/care taker/friends

Her country. Culture/Sights/smells/sounds/people/food

The loss of her family its self is overwhelming to think about.

She has not chosen to be an orphan.

Imagine if you were taken from the only "home" you've known all your life, to a country to permanently live in a home with a group of people, a different skin color from yours, people who speak a different language than you, eat different foods, dress differently, who are hugging and kissing all over you, rejoicing & crying over your arrival. Cameras in your face, new clothes on your body and all you REALLY want to do is run back to your all the things familiar & feel safe that were in your life.

I can't help but put myself in her place & wonder if any of these thoughts will come to mind.

The longing for the safety of the familiar.

Even if she comes from a "not so good" place by our definition. 

To her, it's all she's known.

I wonder exactly where she is right now as I'm typing this.

If she's even born yet. 

If she is still with her first momma, who is alive and well. 

Or if she is living in the streets. 

Or if she is being cared for by her grandmother who is ill and dying and is her last living relative to care for her.

I wonder how old she is.

I wonder if she has siblings or is an only child like me.

I wonder what all she has experienced in the short time she has been alive. Starvation/sickness.

I wonder if she has been hurt. By words or hands.

I wonder just how deep her pain will be.

Will I see it in her eyes?

Will she show it by her actions? Outwardly or by nothing at all.

One day she will ask me about her momma, her first momma. Lord give me the grace.

There will be moments in her life that I'm sure the wondering of who her first momma was will come across her mind.

What did she look like?

What did her voice sound like?
Did she sing to me?

How deep was her beauty?

Was she saved?

Will I see her again in Heaven?

Did she love me?

Did she want me?

Can you imagine not knowing these questions about the woman who gave birth to you?

The woman who carried you for 9 months. Who felt you move inside of her. Felt every hiccup. Every kick.

The women who's voice you heard and responded to even in the womb. The woman who went through excruciating pain to bring you into this world. The one who heard your first cry. The woman who fed you and bathed you....

This is a bitter sweet journey for her and she doesn't even know it.

So I'm praying for her heart already. The pain. The sadness. The loss.

I can not over look or try to fix, or make better, or cover and replace, take away or change.

Rest assured it is pain only my Jehovah Rapha, my Healer, can sooth and heal.

So when the day comes and she is finally "home" while my heart will be leaping for joy but it will also be mourning her loss.

I'm asking the Lord for wisdom. 

A knowing only given by the Holy Spirit as to when to hold and cry with, hold and listen to, hold and read the Word over and to love forever. And the grace to carry us through it all....

Baby girl you are being covered in prayer by your second momma already...

I love you.

Number 2!!!

It's a good thing I'm typing this instead of writing it because you wouldn't be able to read it I'm shaking with such excitement!!

We received the news that we are number 2 on the waiting list!!

T
W
O

As in next to number 1, as in almost there, as in OH MY GOSH THIS IS HAPPENING!!!!!

The crazy-just like the Lord- thing is, the day we found out we were number 2 is the day before Roger left for Cuba on a mission trip.
The day before I left for Africa last May we found out we were given the $20,000 grant.

Y'all, my words, they can't explain. Some things you just have to see.

That's the sole purpose for sharing this crazy journey with you is so that you will see the Lord & for His glory.
Oh my friend if you don't know Him you are missing out!!!

So what in the world is happening now...

This means once we become number 1, we wait for a referral.
The file containing a female between the ages of 0-4.
Her picture.
Her medical records & family history that they are aware of.
And we accept her.
Then we make plans to travel. This could take a several weeks to prepare for.
We are waiting to hear if we have any left over from the $20,000 grant we received to apply towards travel so we may be doing some more fun-raising.
Anxious to see how the Lord provides!!

I also want to share with you one other detail.

When we were filling out the mountains of paper work, we got to the line where it said "number of children you are requesting."
Roger and I felt that the Lord wanted us to be willing/open to a sibling group of 2. {see a pattern here with the 'w' word?}

This does not mean we are getting two children.

It does mean that if we become number 1 and our referral comes in, if she has a brother or a sister up to age 8 that brother or sister will come home with her and be in our family. They will not split up a sibling group.

I know, I know what you're thinking.

But we are trusting the Lord with this and He knows!! He.knows.
Willingness is what He wants.

What would your reaction be if I told you of a family that brought home a sibling group of 3 boys from Ethiopia to add to their family of 3 biological boys & 2 daughters from Ethiopia for a total of 8 children.
This family lives in a very moderate home and to make room  for these new additions they gave up their master bedroom & bathroom for multiple sets of bunk beds that would sleep all of their boys.

I can tell you what my reaction was "ummmm WOW. THAT is radical. THAT is something I'd never thought of. THAT is the most selfless act I can think of."

And then I asked myself, could I do that?
Could I/would I give up our nice spacious bedroom & the comfort of our big spacious bathroom to condense into a little extra bedroom with a bed & dresser for the sake of bringing home children to a forever family and raising them in a home filled with love & the Word of God?

This family was obedient to the Lord and He made a way for them.
Just like He made a way for the Israelites to escape Egypt by parting the Red Sea & just like He made a way for us to know Him by sacrificing His own son, Jesus, for you.

I am the way, the truth & the life, no one comes to the Father accept through me.- Jesus

John 14:6

We may not live in a "big enough" home or have "enough bedrooms" or "make enough money" by the worlds standards to bring home 2 children, but if we are obedient to the Lord, He will make a way and we have complete trust in Him.

Does the thought of bringing TWO children home scared me to death, yes it does!
But the thought of being disobedient to the Lord scares me more.

So, here we are, NUMBER TWO on the list.

Shaking yet?
Me too :)


May the things of Earth grow strangely dim, in the light of His glory & grace,

Kim